Interview with a Sacred-Sexuality Practitioner.
Article by Bre Lembitz
"Ok, now I'm going to put on a glove and go inside. We'll work around in a circle like a clock. Just talk to me about the sensations you're having along the way, whether it's pleasure, pain or numbness."
She enters me with a finger and I feel her touch the inner walls of my pussy. My yoni she calls it. I'm immediately filled with a sense of wholeness and I realize that receiving a massage that doesn't involve the genitals creates this subconscious boundary that my pussy should only be touched during sex. This isn't like a trip to the gynecologist, but it isn't sexy either, though she tells me to embrace whatever my body wants. It's a massage. A yoni massage.
As she works her way around, we find lots of sensation in the standard erogenous zones, and elsewhere we find numbness. In a couple of places, I'm so numb I'm not even sure if she still has her fingers inside me. This is where we work. She gently stimulates the area and within minutes, a tickling, almost painful sensation processes. I stay with it, excited that suddenly I've awoken a part of myself that has been dormant for I don't know how long.
We get to my left side, and again there is numbness. Tightness too, she tells me. Tension. Together we work with the breath to release the tension.
"Oh wow! I can feel it releasing, it's really opening. Wow, that's amazing." She giggles.
Laying there on the table, with her massaging my pussy, I have a beautiful, intense moment of being seen. She seems to be just as excited about my regaining of feeling as I am. It feels good. Not orgasm good, but whole. I feel like I'm being given permission to let my whole self "be seen," not just during sex but all the time.
To allow myself to truly stand in my power, to embrace the beautiful possibility of conception that flows through me. It's an energetic wholeness, a trust in my own power of creation. Oh and, as a fun little side-effect, the hip pain I've been working on with physical therapists for over a year? It seems to be gone. Released by releasing the tension from the inside.
Meet Aurah. A practitioner of Sacred Sexuality and energy-healer at the Go Deep Sanctuary. Four years ago she moved into a temple and began her path.
"The temple taught me about holding space for people, creating a container within which people can feel safe."
As she's developed her own, deeper practice, she moved out of the temple and into her own space. As she's helped others to open their heart, mind, and spirit, she's also begun to realize her own potential as a healer, to let go of shame, and stop apologizing for the gifts she has to share.
"My job is weird," Aurah says, laughing, "but I feel like it's so important. We really touch on stuff that gets ignored in traditional massage."
This work is not without its pains.
"I can't see some of the people I love because of my work," she says, and I can hear the pain in her voice. "But my work is to let go of darkness and trust that Time will let people see what we see."
The stigma attached to it is hard to shake, but to her, that means it is just all that much more important.
"Darkness always comes out." She says, "My 'job' is to shine some light in those dark areas."
When asked about the more specific elements of her work, she makes some interesting points.
"My job is not to allow them to continue their original patterning. As soon as they reach out and try to connect with you, try to touch you, they are trying not to feel their own feelings. They're moving into the mind, 'I might have a chance with this girl' instead of sitting with their own emotions."
She smiles, and it is clear that this work is her passion.
"This is why I have to be completely clear. I have to create a space in which they can be seen and felt, and feel safe to explore. If release happens, that's OK. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes their body won't allow them to release. Sometimes you've moved all of the energy around and they've come into the session expecting to orgasm and their body won't let them. It knows that they need to hold onto that energy. The body knows."
As with many forms of magic, there comes a vocabulary specific to the individual process. A man's penis becomes his "lingum" or "wand of light." A woman's vagina, her "yoni." There are 10 rhythms in each stroke, and they move slowly, rhythmically.
"It's about finding the areas that don't get love. About holding that part of their body and thinking, 'it's a gift that I am holding this right now.' Love and presence remind people of how amazing they are. Most men are really sensitive; our culture has stifled it so that now, men intuitively try not to feel. This is the magic," she says. "Touching into feeling and Love."
She says that Love is the most important part - that her work is all about creating space for people and letting them feel loved, feel powerful, and…
"just reveal things in themselves that they don't really trust yet."
She recognizes the inherently sexual nature to her work, and yet when asked about how it influences her own sexuality or how it's different with a partner.
"There is a really distinct difference in that a partner sees all of me. A client is receiving. With a partner, we're looking for our connection."
She goes on to explain that with a client she is trying to use herself as a surrogate to help the client connect with other parts of themselves. Again, the sexual stigma comes through.
"It's hard to find partners who will accept me and my work."
It's not the kind of job where you can leave work at the office. It's a lifestyle. Holding space for people to be comfortable with themselves is an incredible gift, and to do it without expectation, without judgment, without bringing in your own baggage - it's impressive. 70% of the work Aurah does is just to be able to hold this kind of space for people. That 70% is not on the massage table. That work is hours of meditation, yoga, and study. Hours that are made doubly hard because of the sexual stigma, or "darkness" that exists outside of this world - this world of sexual energy workers.
After experiencing the massage, I feel the pull of her world. I can understand how practicing a magic that brings people such wholeness is a challenge worthy of life-long devotion. I can see how beautiful it is to live in the world where all parts of oneself are allowed to be seen; to be integrated. Like most magic, the knowledge is experiential, and I would agree that I too…
"hope [that] one day, people can see what we see."